After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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