I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
