I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
