your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
