I should be sponsored by Trojan
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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