Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
