Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need water and some morals
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
