My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
