you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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