Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
