I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
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