Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
