you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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