I wish you could order shots online.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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