I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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