Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
