My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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