today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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