I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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