Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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