ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
