Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
