it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.