I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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