whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
