I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
