I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
