if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
