Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
