Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
one two three fourrrrnication!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
