update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
