6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
