just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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