I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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