He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
last night I used snow as a chaser
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