My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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