he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
