She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
