just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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