3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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