Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
