Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
