Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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