my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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