i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
