I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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