My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you didnt know i had herpes?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
