I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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