I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
