Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize