He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
