So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
