Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
