I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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