Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
