READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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