its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is my gift to your gina
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
