I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
