Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
