So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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