I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
