I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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