I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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