I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
